Late-night hosts recap the record-breaking No Kings rallies against Donald Trump and mock Republican attempts to dismiss the protests.
Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart returned to his Daily Show post on Monday night, riding high from the energy of the No Kings rallies against Trump over the weekend, which Mike Johnson, the US House speaker, dismissed as the “hate America rally, and Scott Bessent, the US treasury secretary, called “the farthest left, the hardest core, the most unhinged in the Democratic party.”
“So, this weekend, we sat in our bunkers, doors locked, windows boarded, muskets and cyanide pills at the ready, prepared for whatever the hardest core had in store,” Stewart joked. “Do your worst, display your Marxism to its fullest!”
In truth, the peaceful protests drew over 7 million people in 2,700 locations in all 50 states, for the largest single-day protest against a sitting president in US history. “It was kind of an incredible turnout that was somewhat inspiring,” Stewart said. “Seven million Americans, zero mass shootings? I look forward to Republicans apologizing sincerely for implying these Americans were … what’s the word I’m looking for? Deplorable!”
In light of the peaceful demonstrations, Fox News commentators called the protests “silly” and “dumb”. “Make up your mind, Fox,” Stewart mocked. “You complained it would be a terrifyingly ‘shit your pants’ protest, and now you are complaining about how boringly unpants-shitting it was?
“Although there was one nit you picked that really felt off brand,” he added – the criticism, by some Fox News pundits, that the protests were full of too many “angry old white people”.
“Extra extra, read all about it! ‘This country has too many angry old white people,’ says – hold on – Fox News,” Stewart joked. “Fox News says: ‘Why are old white people so angry?’ Fox News, mad that there are so many old white people in America. I don’t think Fox News is mad, I think they’re jealous.”
Stewart then played archival coverage of the Tea Party protests during the Obama era, and sarcastically added: “Imagine a bunch of old white people in costumes angrily protesting the direction and overreach of an ever-encroaching federal government. I mean, preposterous. That’s in no way a movement that could sweep the midterms and then be harnessed by a charismatic demagogue to remake an entire political party. I mean, it’s laughable.”
In seriousness, Stewart called the rallies “unfocused gatherings” with a significant amount of “political potential”, yet saw the simultaneous events as “a great day for democracy.”
“Look, maybe Trump isn’t an all-powerful king, the kind who can do whatever he wants, but he’s undeniably king-adjacent, king-esque, moving for more,” he added. “He’s the imitation crab of kings right now. The ‘I can’t believe it’s not king.’”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers also compared the coverage of the 7 million-strong No Kings protests to the Tea Party protests, which were “much smaller, but commanded an obsessive amount of media attention”.
“It’s worth keeping the comparison between the two rallies in mind, just to put into perspective just how unprecedented these anti-Trump protests have been,” he said. “So naturally, Trump has responded by choosing to lie about them.”
Speaking to reporters, Trump claimed that the protests were “paid for by Soros and other radical left lunatics” and that the demonstrations were “very small, very ineffective, and the people who went were whacked out.”
“What do you mean they were ‘whacked out?’” Meyers asked. “Most of the protesters that I saw were grandmas playing banjos, inflatable frogs – you sound like a Staten Island dad explaining why Uncle Gino can’t make it to Christmas.”
“Trump is desperate to pretend that his popularity makes him invincible, but the No Kings protests prove the opposite is true,” he added. “He’s stirred an unprecedented level of protest and discontent, and now he’s threatening to respond by using the military.”
Specifically, Trump threatened to invoke the Insurrection Act, an 1807 measure that allows the president to deploy troops nationally and federalize the national guard in case of emergencies. In Trump’s view, the law, as he told, Fox News, provided him “unquestioned power”.
Meyers said: “I like how his response to the No Kings rally is a reminder as to why it was a good idea to have a No Kings rally – ‘I’m not king, and I shall prove it with my unquestioned power.’”
Stephen Colbert
And on the Late Show, Stephen Colbert touched on Trump’s other response to the No Kings protest: On Saturday, he posted an AI video of himself wearing a crown while flying a jet and spraying New York City protesters with feces.
“This video that he’s posting might be upsetting to sensitive viewers who do not like watching the president of the United States carpet-pooping his own citizens,” Colbert warned before playing the clip. “There it is! King Trump crapping on America. Which is insane, though I will grant: factually accurate.”
Colbert took a second to thank CBS for letting him air the clip, as “some networks are not showing that video because it’s so disturbing,” he said. “There’s rational reasons to not show that video. But I think we’re way beyond rationality at this point. So, thank you, CBS.”
Colbert elaborated on a number of disturbing elements within the video: “Number one, the number two. Second, eat a vegetable, baby! Throw a handful of flaxseeds in your milkshake – you’ve got a real problem!”
He then turned serious: “This video was vile and violent and only proves the point of the No Kings march even more.”
“What decent Democratic leader would ever post a video of themselves shitting on peaceful protesters?” he added. “He is a one-man hate march. I mean, does he have a late-night show we can cancel?”
