On late-night shows, hosts poked fun at the Trump administration’s inconsistent messaging on the Iran war, Pete Hegseth splurging on high-end food at the Pentagon and New York’s John F Kennedy Jr lookalike contest.
Jimmy Kimmel
On what Jimmy Kimmel called “day 11 of Jabba the Hutt’s war on Iran”, the host focused on Trump’s mixed messages over the Middle East conflict.
“Trump said yesterday that the war could end very soon, which would be encouraging, had be not also told us he’d end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours,” said Kimmel.
“He’s going to make a huge mess and walk away like it’s the new toilet in the Lincoln bathroom.”
Kimmel then turned to reports that Pete Hegseth, the US defense secretary, spent $93bn of US taxpayer money last year, including millions of dollars in September on luxury food items: “$2m on Alaskan king crab, $6.9m on lobster tail, $140,000 on doughnuts, $124,000 on ice-cream machines, $26,000 on sushi preparation tables and $15.1m on ribeye steak.”
Kimmel asked: “What is this, My 600lb Defense Department?”
The host then turned to Maga senator Lindsey Graham’s latest praise of the president in the wake of recent comments in which he compared Trump to Winston Churchill and Franklin D Roosevelt. “We literally dodged a bullet,” Graham told Fox News … If [Iran] had a weapon, they would use it. To all those who don’t believe that, you’re stupid, you’re a fool. And I hate to be so harsh. People got Hitler wrong. Donald Trump is the right man at the right time.”
“You wanna take that one again?” Kimmel said incredulously. “People got Hitler wrong? Pretty sure he’s one of the few guys we got right!
“And while this is all going on, the president’s wife would like to remind you that her documentary is now streaming on Amazon Prime.”
On the first lady’s film, which was widely received as a dismal vanity project, Kimmel added: “Between this and Sinners, it’s been a big year for vampire movies.”
Stephen Colbert
Over on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert reacted to a Trump press conference where the president was quizzed on Maga’s mixed messages on the war in Iran. “You’ve said that the war is ‘very complete’, but your defense secretary says: ‘This is just the beginning.’ So which is it?” To which Trump replied: “Well, I guess you could say both.”
“So it’s over, but somehow still going?” asked Colbert. “It’s the military strategy known as Grey’s Anatomy.”
Colbert also poked fun at Pete Hegseth’s eye popping Pentagon expenses. “They’re just hearkening back to our founders,” he said. “As Paul Revere declared on his famous ride: ‘One if by surf, two if by turf.’”
The host added that the defense secretary also expensed over $3,000 on Dora the Explorer, Frozen and Paw Patrol stickers. “And despite all that, nobody came to Pete Hegseth’s birthday party,” Colbert joked.
The host then went on to discuss Trump’s favored footwear amid reports that the president habitually gifts $145 Florsheim wingtip dress shoes to White House guests.
“You know, there’s a word for a leader selecting clothing for his disciples,” said Colbert. “It’s ‘cult’.”
Colbert then read from a Wall Street Journal report that quoted an insider saying that “all the [Maga] boys have them … It’s hysterical because everybody’s afraid to not wear them.”
“Hysterical,” deadpanned the host. “Just like that classic joke: Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s the man who checks the shoes. You’re not wearing them? Get in the van.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, a shortened monologue from Seth Meyers raised an eyebrow to reports that Trump has filed several trademarks in the run-up to the US’s 250th anniversary, including the phrase: “Trump 250.”
“Trump 250 just sounds like a terrible skateboard trick,” said Meyers.
The host also reacted to a John F Kennedy Jr lookalike contest that took place in New York last weekend in the wake of Ryan Murphy’s hit show Love Story: John F Kennedy Jr and Carolyn Bessette.
Meanwhile, Meyers joked: “A Robert F Kennedy Jr lookalike contest was held at a beef jerky factory. Everyone left a winner!”
He also commented on reports that Trump’s Westchester, New York, golf club had been found to have multiple health code violations “for dirty surfaces, lack of sneeze guards and improperly stacked containers”.
The host deadpanned: “Also, there were classified documents just hanging out at the salad bar.”
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